Polite, But Not Passive: Responses for Everyday Undermining

The little digs. The subtle “jokes.” The backhanded compliments. Undermining rarely comes with a loud bang—it slips in quietly. And if you’re the kind who prefers peace over drama, it’s easy to freeze or laugh it off.

1. Name the Behaviour, Lightly

A calm, matter-of-fact statement can put the spotlight back on the speaker without escalating. Example: “Hmm, that’s an interesting way to put it.” This gives them a moment to hear themselves—often enough to make them pause.

2. Ask a Clarifying Question

Curiosity is disarming. Example: “Oh, what makes you say that?” It shifts the burden back to the person and subtly signals that you’re not a passive target.

3. Set the Record Straight, Briefly

Correct misinformation or deflect undermining with clarity, not emotion. Example: “Actually, I was the one who finalized that report.” Short and polite keeps it factual—and keeps your dignity intact.

4. Use Humour Without Self-Sacrifice

A soft, witty line can defuse tension while reasserting yourself. Example: “Wow, I’ll add that to my highlight reel.” Humor works best when it’s light, not self-deprecating.